Thursday, April 09, 2009

Paralyzing Praise

I have been paralyzed by the idea that on my own I am something special. My generation is not called the "Me" generation for no reason. I was told by teachers, parents, friends of parents, that I could be anything that I wanted to be. I was given a college education, a solid, reliable used vehicle, and a wonderful husband. What have I done with those gifts?

I selfishly use them for my own pleasure, my own gain, and complain when I have to work for something. I want to be a writer, yet I make excuses when I get home from my 9-5 (or 8-6 or 10-7) job and don't do anything with my talent.

How can I waste these gifts I've been given? I have been stunned into paralysis by the fact that I inherently believe I am "good enough" on my own. I should know better than that, and somewhere deep down I do know better.

How can I justify my expense to society? The food I eat, the electricity I use, the car I drive. How can I justy that, if I am not using what I have been given?

I confess that I need to change my attitude and change my actions. I need to sit down and write my ideas, my feelings, even my daydreams. I need to put it down for my own sake even if no one else will ever see it. I need to use what I have been given before I lose it.
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