Posts

Showing posts from 2009

Fear that Disables

Proverbs 29:25 in the Message says "The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that." Luke 12:4-5 (NIV) says "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after killing the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him." I have been hearing a lot lately in my devotion and prayer life about fear. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm also not as afraid as I should be of dying without making a difference in the world. If I continue to procrastinate and ignore God's plans for my life, I am worse than dead already. What will I tell Him when He looks at me and asks for an accounting of the life He gave me. Will He say "well done", or "I never knew you"? I fear right now that the answer would be that He knew me a little, but was saddened by my disobedience. I keep crying out for the an

Making Myself Unhappy

Lately I have been doing everything that makes me feel more depressed. I've been thinking negative thoughts, judging others, not doing what I feel is right. Why do we do this to ourselves? The American motto is to "do what makes you happy." But so many people are trying to live this "American dream" and falling into depression. Does it make me happy to mindlessly search the Internet for houses I can't afford or jobs that aren't the right fit for anyone? Does it make me happy to feel my eyeballs almost pop out of the socket staring mindlessly at Internet articles or computer screens? Does it make me happy to think negatively about my job and my life rather than doing something about it? I didn't write anything this morning on my novel. Despite the fact that I had an extra two hours before work. Was I tired this morning? Yes. Did it make me feel any better to lay in bed and extra 30 minutes and then laze around the apartment for an hour and a half?

Government Owns US

Since when has the government decided that owning businesses is legal and ethical? The White House is trying to own health care , already owns several car companies and a good portion of several banks. Why does no one in America seem to have a problem or concern with this? Talk about a conflict of interest! When the government owns something they can choose whether to pass tax laws or legislation that will hurt privately owned business and help themselves. Who is going to oversee the government? The government is already controlling whether or not banks can pay back their TARP money and buy back the government's stock. Are they basing their decision on the financial health of the banks? No, they are basing their decisions on the fact they want to "earn a profit for the American people." Sounds like a great basis for a major government decision. I don't necessarily want to go back to the way things were, but I do want to see government get out of our business. I

I am Thorny Soil

I was reading in Mark today about the parable of the sower. I've heard the story so many times I usually don't even think about it. Of course, I must be the good seed because I'm listening to the word and because I believe so strongly in God's message. As I read Jesus' description of what he meant by the parable, I realized I had been fooling myself all along. It's not that I don't believe: I am trying to grow in the thorny soil. But I am also being choked by worries and deceitful things of this world: like American consumerism. Even though I do believe, and I'm trying to grow, I am letting myself be unproductive. I need to ask the Gardener to come by and rip some of those thorns out of my life, despite how painful it might be. I know the things that I ought to do, but I let myself get distracted by my problems, which sometimes seem too big for my tiny seedling status. If I want to grow and mature and be productive in my faith, I have to get rid of t

Price Collusion in Louisville

I live in Louisville, KY. I drive a lot of miles for my job. I often drive 500 miles a week. Mostly I stay within Jefferson County, but sometimes I drive to neighboring counties. I know for a fact that there is price fixing at the gas stations, and I can usually even predict which day of the week prices will go up. I suspect prices will go up today, but I haven't been out on the roads yet. It's one thing for gas stations to be competing and matching each other's prices. Yet, when every single gas station in the county goes up exactly 15-30 cents within 24 hours, something fishy is going on. The news stations investigated for over a year, the governor even came for several weeks to try to investigate (that period was actually the longest time frame that the gas stations did not increase their prices). I know what the market price should be, because I only have to drive a few miles out of town to the Simponsville exit on I-64, just outside of Jefferson County. Shelby Coun

How I Lost 12 Months

I thought it was just a stressful job. I had no free time, my boss was verbally abusive, but I thought once I quit it would all go away. After I quit, I thought maybe I was depressed: I was unemployed, my brother had recently suffered a serious injury. But, when my life started getting better, my mental state continued getting worse. After almost a year of living through severe apathy, lack of focus, and even some short term memory loss, I finally decided it was worth mentioning to my doctor. After running some blood tests, she diagnosed me with a severe B-12 deficiency. I couldn't believe that after all of those months of wondering what was wrong with me, and why I could never complete a task, all I needed was an injection and some B-12 supplements. I now take sublingual B-12 tablets everyday, since I have a severe aversion to shots. I feel so much better. I am finally able to keep up with an exercise program for more than two days, I can remember events from the past week,

Talk about Bad Luck

I definitely should not have published that post yesterday. Today some idiot rear ended me while I was stopped at a stoplight. I think she had been behind me the whole time, she just "suddenly" hit the gas and slammed into me. Then, my husband almost got hit on his way home from work by a guy who was tailgating him. Fortunately, the guy hit someone in the lane next to him. I still can't believe how crazy Kentucky drivers are!

Crazy Kentucky Drivers

I just have to say, why do people drive so poorly in Kentucky? I have been flipped off for going too slow, flipped off for going too fast, and almost collided at least 10 times when people try to merge into me or change lanes without looking. Let me tell you, I have become a 100% better driver by being forced to keep two eyes out for all of the yahoo's headed my way. If people take the time to learn the rules of the road, and stopped talking on their cell phones, they would be much safer to drive with on the road. I know that I drive a lot more than other people, but I still wish some people would take driving lessons. A good tip, if you've nearly caused an accident, it's time to reevaluate your driving. Sign up for a driving class or rent a driving video and learn the rules of the road. Also, and this is not just because I'm more conservative than liberal, people with Obama stickers REALLY can't drive. I'm not sure exactly why.

Living the Good Life

I worry too much about money. My husband and I make a reasonable amount, and we do a good job budgeting and saving. We are set to pay the last of his $40,000 in student loan debt within the next 12 months, hopefully. Paying off that amount in about 3 years is an incredible feat when he makes a slightly above average wage, and I make well below average. But I worry about the future. What if we never make more than we do now? Would I be able to financially stay at home and raise the kids like I want to? Would I have to take a part-time job or go back to work? What if he loses his job? This culture of the 2-income household has screwed up the way I wanted things to be. Even as little as 30-40 years ago, most men were the primary wage earners. Companies didn't randomly hire and fire people like they do now, because they knew that families were relying on their paychecks. Now, with 40% of children born to unmarried parents and a 50% divorce rate, pretty much everyone has to work.

Information about B-12

Apparently, no one knows very much about B-12. Pretty much, if they find out you're low on B-12, they will inject you with the stuff once a month for the rest of your life. Not a very pleasant future to look forward to. Since I can't handle injections very well (I do okay with blood being taken out, but I pass out just about every time I get injected) I decided to do a little more research. I found one tiny little study (36 people) which seemed to indicate that sublingual and oral pills of 500+ micrograms taken daily were as efficient as an injection when taken regularly. A few of their patients may have had missing intrinsic factor. What causes B-12 deficiency? There are a lot of theories, but most people with severe deficiencies probably have multiple causes or a lack of intrinsic factor. Intrinsic factor is just this weird thing in our stomachs that helps us absorb the B-12 while the food is in our small intestine. Pretty weird. It also might help us to be able to reab

Paralyzing Praise

I have been paralyzed by the idea that on my own I am something special. My generation is not called the "Me" generation for no reason. I was told by teachers, parents, friends of parents, that I could be anything that I wanted to be. I was given a college education, a solid, reliable used vehicle, and a wonderful husband. What have I done with those gifts? I selfishly use them for my own pleasure, my own gain, and complain when I have to work for something. I want to be a writer, yet I make excuses when I get home from my 9-5 (or 8-6 or 10-7) job and don't do anything with my talent. How can I waste these gifts I've been given? I have been stunned into paralysis by the fact that I inherently believe I am "good enough" on my own. I should know better than that, and somewhere deep down I do know better. How can I justify my expense to society? The food I eat, the electricity I use, the car I drive. How can I justy that, if I am not using what I have bee

Outraged Over Obama's Tax-out

I am shocked and dismayed to find that the ill-planned attempt to divert the disaster of the AIG bonuses has gone so far. First of all, who of us would have refused the original "bail-out" money. It was free. Obama said it would help free up credit. Of course the banks would take it. He did not put any stipulations or decrees before they took the money. Now, Obama is trying to MAKE the banks fail. He is saying to all of the CEOs whose banks are NOT failing that they cannot make any extra money for their good work. My husband works for PNC , which has done pretty well. They didn't make bad mortgages, they used the bail out money to provide credit to people in need. Now, their CEO is going to have to pay the government back his well-earned bonus? If I were him, I would quit and move to the Bahama's like the AIG CEOs . There is no incentive for him to work hard right now. He should take a well-deserved vacation. Unfortunately, this poorly planned tax is only goi

B-12 deficiency

I was shocked when I went to my doctor yesterday. A normal level of B-12 is between 350-1000 (although Japan recently raised their levels to 500 for the low range). Mine was 247. When I read the list of symptoms, I was amazed at how many I was experiencing. B-12 deficiency didn't even register on my radar. Suddenly I learned how important this particular B vitamin is. I learned it the hard way. Just to list some of the possible symptoms: memory loss, numbness in the hands and feet, eye twitches, migraine headaches, depression, fatigue. I thought I had a case of mild depression that I just couldn't seem to recover from. I was always tired and had started forgetting things (which unfortunately is also listed as a depression symptom). I have always had migraine headaches, and I didn't think anything of the minor eye twitches I would get from time to time. I had no idea that B-12 deficiency is common in up to 30% of the population and can lead to severe brain and nerve

Visit to the Dentist

So I just got back from a dentist appointment. Is it just me, or does everyone get "to-do" lists from their dentist? You've been very bad, you should floss more. You really should get a bite guard so you don't grind your teeth away. You have nice teeth, but bad gums. Uh oh, here's another cavity! No wonder people hate to go to the dentist. First of all, I do have bad gums. I have had bleeding gums since I was 12. They haven't gotten much worse, but they haven't gotten better either. Sure, I could floss more and use one of those rubber tip things to massage the gums. But the next time I go back, I will still hear the same thing about my gums. Secondly, I do clench my jaw a lot. But not necessarily at night. I get tense a lot during the day and my neck muscles, shoulder muscles, and jaw clench up. I don't know why it happens, and it's subconscious so I can't really control it. A bite guard at night does me no good, other than being expens

Get What You Deserve

I think that this economy is teaching some people that they have been living a lie. We live in a society that tells us to think of ourselves first. Don't you deserve that new car? Don't you deserve a nice long vacation? Why do we feel this way? Those who grew up in the Great Depression understood that real value was based in hard work and perseverance. I have to say, even as I write this article, that I struggle with perseverance. I've been raised in the "me" generation. Someone got paid a bonus and I didn't, what about me? Someone gets more vacation time than I do, what about me? Maybe this economic lesson is designed to teach us those values that have been lost for so many generations. I read an article that said how naiive current college graduates were. They were so shocked by "only" having 2 weeks of vacation. I'm a college graduate, and I am only supposed to have 1 week of vacation. Yeah, it sucks a lot. But I have a job, my husband has

Foreclosure

I am of the opinion that we should let houses go into foreclosure. The banks made some bad decisions, the people purchasing the houses cannot afford them. We need to let the market system work. Am I being harsh on those people who will be without homes? Maybe so. I think our society needs to change, though. We don't need 6,000 square feet of home for every two person family out there. There are so many people who could easily open up their homes to displaced families. The average home has pretty much doubled in size since earlier this century. Do we really think that a starter home needs to be at least 2,000 square feet? Maybe this is what brought the whole crisis on to begin with. I drive through older neighborhoods many times. These homes are now on the "poor" side of our town. They are four bedroom, 2 and 3 story mansions with gorgeous architecture. They have been abandoned or turned into apartments for several families. Do we naively think that the same thing won

Circle of Economies

We all know that there are cycles and circles when it comes to economics. There are good times and bad times and everything in between. Right now, we are obviously in one of the bad times. This particular economic downturn has been made somewhat worse by ineptitudes of government. And out plan is for the government to bail us out? While the $700+ billion dollar plan might only stimulate about $200 million dollars worth of economy, we do need something to jump start the economy. Theoretically, if every company started hiring people again, our economy would work itself out pretty quickly. Unfortunately, even companies that are not losing money are so fearful of a potential loss, that they are trimming budgets. When they cut jobs, those newly unemployed people start cutting back, and then the companies they aren't buying from cut even more jobs. We need to all work as hard as we can to be productive members of society. We need to find some way to earn money, even if unemploy

Food Stamps or Middle Class

I came to a stunning realization the other day. I was reading an article on cnn.com about the example of two people on food stamps and the "worry" and apparent crisis of whether they would have enough food to make it through the month. My realization: my husband and I spend less than one person gets on food stamps. I was shocked and amazed. How is it possible that a single 50-something year old man can complain in front of a nation that he "only" gets about $250 a month on food stamps when my husband and I spend about $200-$225? That budget isn't just for rice and beans. We eat cheaply, but we still have choices. We include alcohol and paper goods in that budget. We buy frozen chicken cutlets and bulk hamburger meat. We eat a lot of generic brands, but we can also buy fruits and vegetables if we choose to. The family of four (nearly $500 a month) was "unable" to buy fruits and vegetables and the mother "went without" so her kids could

Perfectionist

Sometimes I have some perfectionist tendencies. I learned from my father at an early age that if you don't think you can do something correctly you should make a big fuss and delay starting the project as long as possible. I have always wanted to write a novel. I have a million and one ideas in my head, and I don't have any problem starting to write my ideas. The problem comes when I reach a certain point (anywhere from 5 pages to 35 pages into the piece) where I suddenly feel like everything I have written is horrible. In all honesty, it probably is. But that doesn't mean that it's not salvageable. What is it about perfectionists that we can't keep working once we find out the tiniest of problems. I read novels everyday that I pick up in the library that are simply atrocious. Horrible grammer, faulty plot lines, confusing characters. And they not only completed their work, they actually managed to get it published! I'm not saying we should all give in to

Financial Personality

I know that I am a freak of nature. Our church is doing a sermon series on the financial crisis. When our pastor was talking about financial responsibility he mentioned three common pitfalls we should all avoid. When he asked everyone who had ever fallen into one of those pitfalls to raise their hand, I was about the only one who struggled to think of some reason to raise my hand. Am I perfect financially? No. But I do follow some basic principles and guidelines that I have been taught since I was a child. Also, as I tell my husband, I am freakishly frugal. Fortunately for me, frugality has become somewhat fashionable. I saved almost all of my birthday checks and babysitting money throughout childhood. I saved a good portion of my summer job money, and had a summer job since I turned 15. Did I splurge? A few times, but only for the really important things. I used a portion of money for a trip to visit a friend in Germany (I spent less than $700 including the plane ticket, train tic

Marriage

Maybe it's because I'm newly married, but I get really offended when someone tells me divorce is a wonderful thing and that it's great that women have "more choices." Choosing to leave your family for "a better fit" husband is like choosing to wreck your car because you wanted a different color. You picked the car out yourself. You knew what color it was when you bought it. It's one thing if the car needs a new engine (i.e. he is cheating on you). Other than that, you knew what you were doing when you said "I do". Is my husband the perfect man in the world? Of course not! But, by being a better wife, my husband will become a better man. Not by nagging, making new "guy friends", complaining, arguing. We have a choice in our behavior, just like we have a choice in whether or not we got married. I said "yes" several times to several questions. Why would I decide to back out for "more choices". I already made a