Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Making Myself Unhappy

Lately I have been doing everything that makes me feel more depressed. I've been thinking negative thoughts, judging others, not doing what I feel is right. Why do we do this to ourselves? The American motto is to "do what makes you happy." But so many people are trying to live this "American dream" and falling into depression.

Does it make me happy to mindlessly search the Internet for houses I can't afford or jobs that aren't the right fit for anyone? Does it make me happy to feel my eyeballs almost pop out of the socket staring mindlessly at Internet articles or computer screens? Does it make me happy to think negatively about my job and my life rather than doing something about it?

I didn't write anything this morning on my novel. Despite the fact that I had an extra two hours before work. Was I tired this morning? Yes. Did it make me feel any better to lay in bed and extra 30 minutes and then laze around the apartment for an hour and a half? No. Why didn't I just sit down and write, when I know that is something that will help me work towards a goal and feel at least a little bit better about my life? What causes us to do this?

I want to be a better person and live a better life, but I keep falling into this trap of electronic gadgets and time wasters. Sometimes I wish that I lived in a previous day and age where I would be either physically laboring or I would be outdoors looking for my entertainment in the forest and trees and sky.
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